Control… or lack thereof

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I’ve been going to Al-Anon… Ok, I went one time to an Al-Anon meeting a few weeks ago, and the I went again tonight… (Al-Anon for those not familiar is a support group for people with family members or friends that are alcoholics/addicts). It’s very much designed to help “you change You” NOT change the alcoholic (which is kinda what I thought until a couple days ago, but moving on). It’s been a really great support, but that’s not the point of this post.

So we’re there to change ourselves. One of the recurring themes that was brought up in sharing tonight was “Control” in the context of “I can’t control the situation”. I have been feeling a few nudges from God leaning me towards that conclusion, but hearing it shared over and over tonight has really driven it home. The mindset of the group was basically that we can’t control the situation (alcoholism), but we can work on ourselves.

However I think things should be slightly different. I, personally can’t control my husband or his drinking/problem, but I need to turn all that over to God. At daily mass last week, the homily was about that very thing… that we’ve tried and tried to do everything we can, but it’s time to say “enough” and move on and let God take over. While I was sitting there listening, I was confused. I was thinking “well surly God’s not telling me to leave my husband… no… that’s doesn’t make any sense… we’re bonded in the Sacrament of Holy Marriage…. that can’t be possible.” I went to bed that night still being confused and I was almost asleep when it hit me that “move on” didn’t mean physically leave, it meant I had to turn the entire situation over to God. Ummm… ENTIRELY. Of course I did that right then and there.. Yup… It didn’t take two more phone calls, a couple bad evenings, and a group where EVERYONE shared the SAME. EXACT. THING. to convince me of that… nope, not me, stubborn person that I am.

I’d love to say that I’ve completely managed to give everything over to Him in it’s entirety, but having *tried* to control our situation for so long on my own, giving that up is hard. The bits that I have given up have been very freeing. It’s been much more peaceful. I think I’m holding on more out of habit than “want/need”.

I’d ask for continued prayers for us. And for me specifically as I continue to learn what’s the new normal for our family, and better how to deal with it and let it go as needed.

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