Katherine’s Story… Our Story

{I’ve copied this page from my OLD blog, I really wanted it to be part of whichever blog we have. It was first published August 2013. ~ Ruth Anne}

 

As some, if not all, of you know, I conceived Katherine well before I was married to her daddy. {Before I begin, just want to point out that I’m not doing this to say it was right … or wrong… Obviously being Catholic it was wrong, but on the flip side I have a daughter. I believe God grants grace and forgiveness for such situations as these and the best we can do is accept and move on.}

I have felt that I should share the story because in many ways it’s really Our Story (mine and Jared’s).

I first found out I was expecting in the middle of a snow storm. I remember because I walked to the corner store for a neighbor to pick something up for her. Then I called Jared (at the time we were living approximately 1000 miles apart, he in Georgia, me in RI) and told him and he insisted I take another test to be sure. So I got in the car and drove in the gross nasty weather to store to buy another test. It was positive too.

I was pretty much just thrilled. Even though we weren’t in a real solid committed relationship at that point (we’d been together for about five months) I had already embraced the fact that I wanted to be a mother. I think also being 23 helped. To me, that’s young, but it’s not *really* young. I had graduated university about a year and a half before, done a little out of country traveling, and was really at a cross roads of my life. I hadn’t made any set-in-stone plans for the future so I wasn’t *devastated* by the news. I didn’t really have any idea at that point what I was going to do, but I was ok with that.

Once I told Jared, he basically took a step back and said he needed some time. For about 5-6 months actually we went back and forth like this. I think he was having a hard time processing it and not physically being near didn’t help any. A very rough way to start (or keep building) a relationship.

I called an OB/GYN friend and she got me set up with appointments and all that. Then I figured I’d better tell my mom. I didn’t really know what to expect from her. I mean I never thought she’d be yelling at me or anything like that. I guess I thought she’d be disappointed, but I never got that vibe from her. Not once. Immediately after I told her she asked if I was ok. And a few days later, we were somewhere and said, “I was thinking, this is nice, just the two of us… then I realized it wasn’t just us, but a baby too!”. With comments like those, I suspect she was just as thrilled as I was. I did have her tell my dad, I just couldn’t do that. To their credit I, personally, never heard a discouraging word from them.

I remember only a few things people said to me during that pregnancy,

One, my dad was talking one day and he said

“This baby is a good thing. It doesn’t matter the circumstances that she started in, she’s a good thing. And it’s something to celebrate and be happy about.”

Two, at my baby shower (I think) a woman said to me

“You weren’t the first, and you won’t be the last”

Three, my mom recalling when a pastor she knew, his daughter got pregnant out of wedlock, he stood up in church (he was evangelical) and said

“The only difference between her sin and mine, is that her’s is visible”

All those things were said, I think, to let me know that I wasn’t being judged. I’m sure people judged me, but honestly I never felt it. I did have people ask me very frankly what I was going to do, but I think they did out of love and concern, not judgement.

We went down south for my family reunion in August (I was due beginning of October). Jared and I had firmly reconciled and made a plan by this point. So he came and joined us there and returned with us to RI.

In mid-September, we pulled a marriage license, I made a phone call to one of my dad’s old pastor friends, and in three days, we had ourselves a short, sweet home wedding ceremony at my parents house.

20130715-165831.jpg

We then squeezed into my brother’s apartment, where Jared had been living since August. We were there for about 2 weeks while our apartment was being finished. We moved in there and 4 days later, after approximately 38 hours of labor Katherine Isabella Elena joined us :)

10-1b*

It was very hard to have instant-family. I love my husband and my daughter, and the two boys that have followed since then. But I think we still struggle sometimes with issues that maybe, if we hadn’t had a baby 2 weeks after getting married, not saying they wouldn’t be there, but we may have been able to work them out better/sooner.

In many ways, I feel like our marriage is growing with Katherine. Every year she learns how to do more things. Every year she becomes more responsible. And sometimes there are periods of temper tantrums, which come and go in frequency.

But it’s so exciting, every year, on her birthday to say “Wow!, we’ve been married ____ years!!”. That’s amazing to me.

7 thoughts on “Katherine’s Story… Our Story

  1. Sweet story. So often if I feel a judgement coming up about an out of wedlock birth, I remind myself, “This girl could have chosen an abortion and none of us would have to even know about it. Years later I could be loving on her trying to heal from an abortion or I could be loving on her now for having a baby.”

  2. Hi Ruthanne! I’ve never read your blog before so I’m catching up on a few. This one really hits home as Silvio and I had a similar beginning to our family. (I was 4 months along and age 20 when we married.) We also had nothing but support and encouragement. Never felt judged. Too bad many young ladies in this situation don’t have that support. Thanks for sharing your story. It’s a very sweet one! 🙂

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